My Beloved Readers, this chapter I have saved for last and I think it is one of the most profound of all the chapters in this entire book and correspondence course. I have told you many times in this training course that life is a projection screen and a mirror. There is a lesson in A Course in Miracles that says, “Everything I see I give all the meaning it has for me!” We each cause our own reality by how we think and we do not see through our eyes, we see through our consciousness or mind. This applies to relationships as well. So I would imagine for most people on reading the title to this chapter they would say, how can Joshua say this, I have relationships to people, not my beliefs. I say to you very humbly, are you sure? The question is how much of the time do you have an efficient perception of reality and how much of the time is your consciousness interfering with your own stuff. Now everyone likes to think they are totally clear, so all I ask is that you be open and honest with yourself in going over some of the issues concerning this topic. So let’s use as an example your romantic relationship, or a past one. Everyone likes to think they are seeing other people clearly. However, consciousness is a very tricky thing and when one is in their stuff it is hard to see the forest through the trees so to speak. So let’s take the example I suggested, and I will go over some possible ways your consciousness may not be seeing things clearly in your past or present romantic relationship.
All the following examples will distort your perception and will prove my point that most people are having a relationship to a large extent with their beliefs about people, not with the person themselves. On this note we will begin.
So to start, are you seeing your romantic relationship as it is, or as you would like it to be or how you have been programmed from the past to see it!
Are you always right with self and right with God before you communicate with your partner. You cannot be right with your partner, unless you are right with self and God first.
Are you always a cause of your reality or do you ever fall into victim consciousness. This will distort your perception as well.
Are you ever emotional or over-emotional with your partner for this will distort your perception.
Are you always out of your negative ego in dealing with your partner?
Are you always clear of negative emotions for this will distort your perception!
Have you mastered the lessons of giving love to self and receiving love from God first, otherwise you will seek love, worth, approval, acceptance, from others, and this will distort your perception!
Have you worked out all your lessons with your parents. If you haven’t this will be projected onto your partner!
Have you cleared all your past psychological baggage. If not, this will be projected onto your partner!
Do you ever project your stuff onto your partner?
Do you ever make inaccurate assumptions or conclusions?
Do you ever overreact or underrespond? This will distort your perception!
Do you ever react with sensitivities or over-sensitivities or ego-sensitivities. This is another example of how you are dealing with beliefs within self and not the person!
Do you ever come from attachment rather than preference in your attitude?
Are you ever run by inner child?
Are you ever run by the desire body in dealing with your partner?
Do you ever have personal agendas or are coming from manipulation or over controlling?
Do you ever get in ego battles or give your power away?
Do you ever deal with your partner from a place of being hurt, upset, sadness, disappointment, depression, rejected, feeling abandoned, defensive? These are all examples of not being right with self and this is projected onto the partner thinking it is them and it is really yourself.
On the other side of the coin, do you ever come from judgement, anger, impatience, intolerance, for this is another example of unclear seeing.
Do you ever deal with your partner from a place of your buttons being pushed? This is another good example!
Do you ever have misunderstandings or misperceptions?
Do you always look at every single thing your partner thinks, says, or does as your master teacher teaching you Spiritual lessons you need to learn. This even means looking at things this way even if they are off kilter or being negative in some way. Are you looking at everything they do as a gift, teaching, blessing, and opportunity to grow! If not, you are not dealing with that person, you are dealing with your beliefs and misinterpretations of the situation.
Are you always coming from a full spectrum prism consciousness and not a limited lens consciousness! If not, you are dealing with your beliefs, not the person.
Are you always dealing with your partner from a place of being clear of mass consciousness?
Are you always dealing with your partner from the Spiritual/Christ/Buddha/God Consciousness and not from the negative ego/fear based/separative consciousness? If not, you are dealing with your beliefs, and not the person!
Are you ever a fault finder rather than a love finder? Do you judge rather than seek to give compliments?
Do you ever forget to see your partner as Spirit/Christ/Buddha/Eternal Self/God? If not, you are not seeing them clearly!
Do you ever get into trying to win an argument instead of seeking love? If so, you are seeing beliefs, not the person!
Do you ever talk when you should be listening?
Do you ever come from neediness?
Do you ever come from survival?
Do you ever see through the second chakra and the eyes of sexuality and not from all chakras simultaneously?
Do you always see from unconditional love and not conditional love?
Do you always see from surrender to God’s Will and not the ego’s will?
Do you always see from oneness and not separation?
Do you ever focus on your partner’s lessons and not on your own?
Do you ever see from fear or worry?
Do you ever see from fatigue and over tiredness or from a physical health crisis or crisis of some other kind?
Do you ever see from reacting rather than responding?
Do you ever see from seeking recognition or seeking attention?
Do you ever see from false pride?
Do you ever see from lack of insight or wisdom?
Do you ever see from lack of understanding?
Do you ever see from confusion or conflict or indecision?
Do you ever see from not keeping your bubble of protection up?
Do you ever see from prejudice, wishful thinking, seeing a person’s potential and not who they are, or from faulty beliefs?
Do you always see all attacks as a call for love?
Do you always see your partner from a point of balance and not imbalance?
Do you always see your partner free of expectations?
Do you always see your partner free from the lens of being too mental, too emotional, too Spiritual, or too materialistic?
Do you always interpret all interactions with your partner perfectly as God would have you interpret them?
As you can see, my friends, seeing relationships with an efficient perception of reality as they are, clear of all misperception and misthinking is not the easiest thing to do. Even if you are good at it, all you have to do is fall into automatic pilot for one second and lose your vigilance and this can happen. This is one reason why dreams are very important, for they give you instant feedback as to where you are missing the mark in your perception of reality and relationships.
So the first step in mastering your relationships on any level is to acknowledge how easy it is to see your own beliefs projected onto another person, and to not see things clearly. Most people in this world project all their stuff onto their partner and/or relationships, and believe it is the partner’s fault. They do not see how most of it is a manifestation of their own consciousness being mirrored onto the person. This is why there are only eight Integrated Spiritual Masters on this planet, for it is not the easiest thing to do, to become the Master of your consciousness in all aspects of life!
Now I know everyone reading this book has mastered all these lessons in the spring of ’72! (lol)! As the I Ching says, the superior man or woman is devastatingly honest with self, for the first step to mastery is to acknowledge one’s misperceptions and mistakes. No matter how good one is at it, at any moment if joyous vigilance is not maintained one can lose it. It is a lifelong process of constant adjustments, self examination, self inventory, self inquiry, self introspection, knowing thyself, knowing God, that allows one to develop an efficient perception of reality, and to actually see people as they are, not as projection screens and mirrors for one’s own psychological baggage and material to work out. So use relationships as a gift from God to teach you Self and God Realization!
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