Before discussing the topic of love, it must first be stated that unconditional love is love. Anything less is an aspect of love that has become distorted. In the striving for unconditional love, initially we may embrace only a fraction of that which we are seeking. But at least we are following the pathway toward living in the light of true unconditional love. The true nature of love is that it stands in the light of its own being, and it remains unconditional at all times. To borrow a quote from William Shakespeare (who was, in fact, St. Germain), "Love alters not when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove. Oh no, it (love) is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is not shaken."
This is not to imply that we do not love at all, for we most certainly do. But for most of us, and indeed for all of us at times, we love most incompletely. There is no judgment implied in this, for what we are about is growing in our capacity to love unconditionally, even as we are growing in our capacity to contain light and embrace wisdom. Since this is a process, we would do well to allow our relationships to help us hold to ever greater standards in this matter, and to work diligently in learning how to truly exhibit unconditional love.
Unconditional Love Of Self
As with all that has been discussed thus far, the subject of unconditional love must first start with oneself. "As above so below" in this instance is equivalent to "As within so without." We never can demonstrate that which we have not yet attained, incorporated and activated within ourselves first. Therefore, I ask you first to look at the level and quality of the love which you have for yourself. Many of us are not very good at self-love at all, and are far better at giving love to others than to ourselves. However, if we do not truly cultivate self-love, then we will find that we are unable to keep giving of that which we have not allowed ourselves to receive.
It is imperative that we each learn how to love ourselves unconditionally. This may take a greater or lesser degree of work, depending where we are with this process. Some of us have much negative programming to overcome from family, schooling, work environments and the world at large. The faulty programming is that we must prove ourselves worthy of love in order to receive the love that we deserve simply by virtue of being. From our conditioning, we each had a different set of rules to follow and expectations to fulfill before we could receive love. Unfortunately we have taken this into our consciousness and have allowed it to become part of our sub-conscious programming and belief system. We, therefore, are unable to freely love ourselves, for no one can truly live up to these imposed standards, and ultimately then we all find ourselves incapable of unconditional self-love.
In the area of unconditional self-love, one must first be right with oneself before one can be right in a relationship. The bottom line is that, just as every relationship that you are in, the ideal is that you come from and hold an attitude of unconditional love. But this will not be possible until you can hold that attitude towards yourself. I have given many tools with which you are encouraged to work in this regard in my Soul Psychology and How To Clear The Negative Ego books. Two additional tools that I have found of great value are A Course In Miracles and a set of tapes called How to Build High Self-Esteem by Jack Canfield.
There is also the option of finding a well-qualified therapist who incorporates the spiritual with the psychological. Again I remind you that this is a process; and considering how most of us have been raised, it is a process that requires much attention and devotion. However, since God is love as well as light and power rightly used, this is a most important theme that runs through the whole of Creation and one that deserves all that you can give it.
Love, is one of the great divine qualities which we all are developing and expanding as we tread the path of ascension. Therefore, all are encouraged to work on this most divine aspect of oneself, within yourselves and within the arena of your relationships.
Never Use Love As A Weapon
Of course true love is unconditional and, therefore, never could be used as a weapon. But all too often, people in romantic relationships will use the giving and withdrawing of expressions of affection as a tool of manipulation. This can span the gamut from mild manipulation to the withdrawing of love and replacing it with anger--and, in its most extreme cases, violence.
Violence of any kind never should be tolerated, and this pertains to violence of a psychic and emotional nature as well as to physical violence. When violence is used against the person we supposedly love, we are distorting love in the most vile way possible, and making a weapon out of it by either figuratively or literally thrusting a knife into the heart of one who has opened their heart to us. This example is obviously of such an extreme nature that I only use it as a wake-up-call to any and all who see the slightest signs of violence in the behavior of your partner. This is not to be tolerated; and either the behavior must abruptly end, with appropriate counseling to follow, or the relationship must end.
If you know that you are prone to anger and violent outbursts, I suggest that you immediately seek help via counseling, support groups, books, tapes or whatever other means you find most helpful. Never ever let this loose upon your partner, or anyone else, but immediately start the process of eliminating it from your program banks, faulty thinking and "gut" response system. Love is the opposite of fear, and anger is the acting out of fear by lashing out at others. There is help. No one needs to stay stuck, and if you find yourself stuck in that violent place, please, for the sake of yourself and all concerned do not wait another minute but seek help NOW!
In the lesser extreme we return to the theme of using love as a tool of manipulation by the giving or withdrawing of one’s affections. The classic place where this occurs is in the bedroom. One partner or the other finds that they can exercise a good deal of control over the other by being sexually available in order to get something or in order to illicit the behavior that they desire from their mate. This is very unfair and destructive.
The coming together in sexual union between two people is a highly spiritual and sacred act. That is not to infer that it is not a pleasurable and often playful time, for it is all these things and more. What it is not, however, is a time to be used to control your partner. Sex is so powerful and intimate that we are most vulnerable during this time; and it should never be used by anyone against another. Often we are equally vulnerable and open in its anticipation; and when it is withdrawn or denied as a means to an end, then sex has become a weapon we wield rather than an intimacy we share.
As lightworkers, hopefully we are using sexual intimacy to further bond, raise the energies through tantric means, or simply to enjoy ourselves with our mates. However, these issues relating to manipulation also can manifest in us. Since we are on the path of ascension, hopefully all are working diligently to get to the core of these problem areas.
This applies outside of the bedroom as well. We must be watchful not to use withdrawal of attention as a weapon by tuning the other person out, or becoming cold and detached, because we are dissatisfied with something in our relationship. We must not assume that our partner will get the point from our lack of being there. Firstly, even for those who are more psychically developed, our partner most probably will not get the point of this behavior, but will feel confused, hurt or angry. Secondly, this is not the appropriate mode of communication. Good communication must be clear, open and direct.
I have seen couples trying to punish each other by humiliating them in public or in other social settings. What I have ever seen as a result of this is invariably an escalation of hurt and anger on the part of both partners. Here is another classic example of what should be love turned into a weapon. Nothing good can ever come out of two peoples’ negative egos locking horns and having a go at it. The negative ego can be a very tricky and a subtle thing, and can sneak up on you and take control if not closely kept in check.
It is obvious that issues will come up between two people, particularly when involved in a relationship of a romantic nature. This is to be expected, even welcomed, as it is through that process of seeing what has been lying dormant and hidden come up from the depths of the subconscious that growth, love and ascension are all facilitated--IF properly handled! I suggest that you both remain honest and open with each other. When a tender issue comes up, wait until the initial surge of emotion calms down a bit before you attempt to talk it over.
Then from a place of relative calm, hold hands for a moment and call upon both of your souls and monads to come and overlight you in your discussion. You might also ask for the help of God, and the ascended masters with whom you feel closest. Then, and only then, when you are aligned with your highest aspects (soul/monad), begin to share what is bothering you and enter into true communication regarding your issues. By practicing such a simple technique as this, by just waiting until that first surge of anger or resentment calms down and by then linking with your Divine I AM Presence, you can come from a place of clarity. The environment of a loving and committed relationship can serve to propel both you and your partner further into the very heart of love and light. It can bring you ever more deeply and fully into the essence of that unity which we call God.
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