In a romantic relationship we are dealing with the bonding of two individuals. Each of these individuals needs to align within the four-body system as well as the higher bodies, so the first relationship to be looked at is that which we have with ourselves. It makes perfect sense to do this, for it is “ourselves” that we are bringing to the relationship. And it is from ourselves--whether balanced or not--that we will interact and seek to bond with our partner.
For example, if we are out of sorts emotionally, overly needy or have low self esteem, it won’t really matter how giving and loving our partner is. For we will not feel that we are loved enough. So the relationship might seem to lack a depth of loving and caring from our mate, when in truth we are being loved and cared for very much. That is why it is so important first to have an awareness of our make-up and the areas that need work, and then to diligently work on them. While it is true that our relationships can help us to see ourselves in a more positive and worthy light, if we do not work on our own issues, ultimately we will feel unsatisfied and somehow manage to sabotage the good that we are getting.
The Balance Within The Relationship Itself
We have looked at how the balance within oneself can affect the balance within a relationship. However, this only sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the various aspects of the dynamic of interaction within the relationship. The ways in which two people come together in partnership are infinite, so I will highlight and discuss some of the most common ones. What will be discussed is basically of a universal nature, and it is hoped that you then can use these as a doorway into your unique situation. In fact, some of us may be experiencing a situation from two seemingly opposite perspectives, feeling, perhaps at once both “victim" and "jailer"; or the seeming “ruler” of our mate, yet the “slave” of our own weaknesses. Already you can see how vast and interwoven this subject is, so let us begin to break it down a bit.
The Controller And The Controlled
Some of us, for one reason or another, need to feel ourselves in control at all times. What this need can be distilled down to is the misqualified and confused use of personal power. I consider owning one’s personal power to be one of the most important keys to ones spiritual journey. However, if that power is running amuck and seeking to control others, most particularly your romantic partner, it is power inappropriately used. When one is operating out of this venue, one will most probably attract a mate with low self esteem or a “people pleaser.” This then brings one into a parent/child relationship and/or a king or queen/subject relationship. This might seem to work for a brief period of time, as both parties involved have followed the path of least resistance. They just flow right along and let the negative ego stay in control.
However, this will not work on a long term basis, particularly for lightworkers involved in the ascension process or any sort of growth process. For those of us consciously evolving, the imbalance of such a situation will come quickly into our awareness and, hopefully, both partners can use this aspect of the relationship to continue to grow, evolve and heal. Yet even for those who are less conscious, something will be unsettling, with ensuing arguments and episodes in which there is “acting out” by one of the partners as jailer, king or queen in an attempt to maintain control. If this pattern reveals itself in your relationship, it is hoped that you use this opportunity as a vehicle for further growth, purification and cleansing.
In the books I have mentioned, “Soul Psychology” and “How to Clear the Negative Ego,” I have given detailed exercises that you can use. I suggest that you work with some of these tools as a couple, for you are given the opportunity to rub yourself clean upon the sandpaper of each other by virtue of being in a relationship. As a couple you might also consider counseling, for the objective perspective of a qualified professional can at times be extremely helpful. You might also suggest thanking one another for helping to bring these negative ego traits to light.
It then becomes essential that you go to work on yourself, in communion with yourself, God, the masters and the subconscious mind. If you need to be in control so desperately it would be good to find out why. There is probably a good reason for it, a reason that at one time or another served you well. Perhaps you were left as head of the household at ten years old and had to assume control in order to survive. The main thing is to realize that what was appropriate at one point is not appropriate now. Ask for divine healing. Ask for God, the masters and your monad to shine their light on the situation. Know that the universe is supported and sustained by Source, by God Itself, and it is not your function or your place to control everything, nor is it possible anyway.
Surrender to God, release your control attitude into the violet fire of transmutation given by the grace of St. Germain. Use the tools I spoke of to work with the subconscious mind. Remember, life is a lesson and relationships are one of the best teachers you can possibly find. No one has to stay stuck. The whole process of ascension is moving into light and love, and this process is both a service and a joy. Doing this work within the context of a relationship provides support and companionship as well as special challenges.
If you find yourself functioning as the “subject” or the “child” within the relationship, the same advice is offered to you, but from the opposite end of the spectrum. You, too, have assumed your role because of a need to survive at some crucial point in your life. Perhaps you had very domineering parents who withdrew their love if you asserted yourself, but showered you with affection if you were the good little boy or girl who didn’t assert yourself.
Again, what was once appropriate is no longer appropriate. You can work with the tools to reprogram your subconscious mind. You likewise can ask for help from God and the Masters, calling upon the violet transmuting flame of St. Germain and also Archangel Michael for strength. It is time for you to own, claim and stand firm in your personal power. It is also good to realize that as a lightworker on the path you have done well to allow your relationship to reveal the hidden aspects of yourself that need work and clearing. Then you act to claim your power and to heal that lost child within yourself.
If you need to look to someone for support and guidance, look to the pure essence of Father/Mother God. There is no difficulty or rift too great, no problem so deep that it cannot be worked on by yourself, and ultimately healed with the light and love of God. And if you are in a committed relationship, you can anchor and support each other in the process. This would lift your romantic relationship to the level of a divinely romantic relationship between you, your partner and God!
The Trap Of The Artist And The Caretaker
Art is one of humanity’s highest callings, as it is of the expression of the beautiful upon the Earth. Artists working on a higher level often work, in varying degrees, with the angels of art, music and beauty. Even for one with such a high calling, there are many dangers to the artist, primarily the danger of falling into the trap of removing oneself from the normal functioning of the world. In relationships, this may entail dumping the entire burden of the so-called mundane into their partner’s lap.
What usually occurs in relationships of this sort is a profound infatuation between two people, with art serving as one of the most potent aphrodisiacs in the world. Either the non artist is immediately taken by the artist into wondrous poetic realms or, if both partners are artists, then together they fly off into a romantic heaven.
Now, if the artistic person is balanced, then there is not a giant chasm between the beautiful world of the creator and the world wherein daily life is lived. But what is more often the case is that one of the artists in a two-artist relationship, or the non-artist, will find that they are left holding the bag. There can be a healthy balance between the artist and their partner. But what often occurs is that the more creative of the two sees an opportunity to retreat into a world of creation, and the other feels a certain responsibility to take care of every other aspect of life, which cannot help but lead to resentment and frustration.
We are not all meant to play the same parts. In fact we are each uniquely designed to play certain roles. However we are all called upon to find the proper point of balance within ourselves, our romantic relationships and our relationship with the world. This calls for an integration and a balancing that we each must cultivate. It is just too easy for the eccentric artist to “cop out” and let their partner pick up the slack of daily living. This is just not fair, nor does it serve to integrate either the couple as a unit or the individualized soul/monad in incarnation.
In relationships of this type, the honeymoon often abruptly ends with a thud, as the frustrated “doer of the mundane” realizes that they are in this arena alone and cries out for some support which indeed they should have.
If you find yourself in either of the roles in a relationship of this type, what is called for above all else is communication. Actually, good communication is essential to the health and well being of all relationships; but for the moment we will limit our discussion to problems inherent in the situation of the artist and their mate. It is essential to talk things out, share your feelings and use the tools that I have mentioned. More than likely all that is needed is a little shift, a bit more awareness on the part of the artist as to what the other person is doing and certainly the willingness to contribute. No one should be left bearing all of the responsibilities.
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